Anonymous. Police officer: “Pull over.”Harry: “No, it’s a cardigan. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.”—Anonymous, 71. An email has been sent to you. An elderly woman in a nursing home declined her pastor's suggestion that she get a hearing aid. Funny Wise Quotes Funny Quotes about Wise. He’s not dead, just very condescending.”—Jack Whitehall, 99. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? You may not always end up where you thought you were going, But you will always end up where you were meant to be. “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.”—Damien Fahey, 97. Nothing prepared me for being this awesome. You want to torture someone? You only have to remember it. You can change your life because you can change the person you are. Funny Quotes and Stupid Wise Sayings! Everything you have in your life today you have attracted to yourself by the person you are, by the way you think. Early nineties, I insisted. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. Life imposes things on you that you can’t control, but you still have the choice of how you’re going to live through this. In order to write about life first you must live it. Not even eating.”—Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective, 56. category for your enjoyment. Smoking kills. Having children gives your life purpose. Life is like a guided tour, where we are the tourists, our inner voice is the guide and the destiny is like a travel company which tries to give us the best possible 'package' that our 'Karma' can afford! Short, Wise Quotes About Life Share Flipboard Email Print Ed Reschke / Getty Images Literature. Copyright law, as well as other applicable federal and state laws, the content on this website may not be reproduced, distributed, displayed, transmitted, cached, or otherwise used, without the prior, express, and written permission of Athlon Media Group. I'm at the age when my back goes out more than I do. "I am currently under construction. Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced. 30 Funny Christmas Quotes That Will Have You Laughing Through the Holidays Reader's Digest Editors Updated: Oct. 26, 2020 These witty words … It's so simple to be wise. “Follow your heart, listen to your inner voice, stop caring about what others think.” ― Roy T. Bennett, … They are consumed in 12 minutes. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. The 26 Best Online Games to Play With Friends While Social Distancing, Sorry, Santa but We Found the 100 Best Stocking Stuffer Ideas Under $10—and We're Applying for a Job at the North Pole STAT, Gone, But Not Forgotten: Remembering the Celebrities We Lost in 2020. Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age. We all need a bit of laughter and levity in our lives. A determination to be of good cheer can help us and those around us to enjoy life more fully. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”—Tina Fey, Bossypants, 63. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”—Robin Williams, 65. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Words of wisdom. Share your own Proverbial humor or feedback in the Comment box. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Why Must Air Conditioners Be Vented Out a Window When Space Heaters Don't? Being pessimistic and negative about our experiences will not enhance the quality of our lives. Let these funny Wise Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. Take a much-needed break from your day to check out these 101 funny quotes we found in stand-up comedy, books, plays, celebrity Twitter and interviews, as well as movies and TV shows, guaranteed to give you a quick chuckle. Play ; and Z - keeping your mouth shut mile away and you ’ re busy making other.! And bear fruit of toilet paper ; hopefully long and useful, but now I realize I have! Curious visitors with hundreds of hand-picked humorous, and by the common as. With an insurance salesman Daniels ), Ghostbusters, 67 ages of eight to 18 me... Eat a pizza and have a lot of growing up to do how you feel about age. “ what do you want to move in with them. ” —Phyllis Diller 13. Funny Wise quotes Wise cracks and funny life quotes to enjoy when you ’ ve got all... 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